Define Love

Remember when we were in elementary (grades 5-6) and we were swapping slam notebooks with our girl classmates? In that age of raging pubescent hormones, we were asked about our ambitions, motto, chums, favorite color, tv shows, songs, etc. But of course, one of the most interesting information in those pretty and scented notepads are the questions, “Define Love” and “Who is your crush/love?”

Hard as I tried, I no longer remember what my definition of love was then. I am not one to quote from the bible, books or songhits. I often write a definition of my own. So while everyone say “Love is patient and kind”, I’ll write something like “Love is a wonderful feeling for somebody special.” Many years and subjects of affections later, I have grown and learned to accept that we can not and must not define love. If we do, that wonderful feeling gets boxed in a statement of must’s and must not’s and that is contrary to everything that is love.

Now that I am a wife, I’ve felt and seen love so overwhelming that no amount of definition can define. I saw love in the eyes of my husband that day in SM North EDSA during one of our earlier dates. He (and probably me too) had that look that separated us from the rest of the crowd as if there was only the two of us there. I felt love during our most intimate nights together, the kinds of nights that bore us three kids. I felt love when he tried to be the romantic that he is not, buying me a bouquet of white roses. He originally planned to buy three roses only but because he pitied the salesgirl, he decided to buy the whole bunch.

I also learned that love is not defined by just the good and happy times that I share with my man. Ugly situations do happen like freaking out at each other and saying words or doing things one of us will later regret. That makes the difference between a love defined by a girl and by a woman. The strength of a woman’s love goes beyond pretty cards and stuff toys. It lies in the amount of sacrifice and careful thought that she gives to make herself, her marriage and her family whole. Perhaps it is called a matured love or perhaps, it is just that, the essence of love. Sacrificing oneself to make a whole.

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day and in remembrance of the days when I still define love, let me share a quote from Howard Clinebell, author of Well Being: A Personal Plan for Exploring and Enriching the Seven Dimensions of Life: Mind, Body, Spirit, Love, Work, Play, Earth.

“ Love is caring about and commitment to one’s own and the other’s continuing growth, empowerment and self-esteem…Your love is health giving to the degree that it involves ongoing commitment to and joy in helping each other develop your fullest self-esteem, dreams, and gifts at each stage on your journeys together, in spite of the conflicts and limitations in any close relationship.”

Happy Love Day To All!