S*x Education in Rural Philippines

S*x education or talks is still quite taboo in the Philippine society much more in rural areas. Last month, I had the rare opportunity to discuss this with a group of mothers from a farming village during an exposure trip for our foreign visitors. The conversations/ sharing gave us a wealth of information on how this topic was viewed in the eyes of the simple Filipina mothers in rural Philippines. Here is our story:

Our NGO had a group of foreign visitors who came here to learn and experience poverty early last month. Kakaiba di ba? We Filipinos are raring to get out of this God-forsaken slash going- to- the- dogs country with all its kahirapan while here is a group of long term supporters from the First World choosing to take a tour, not in the beautiful sites offered by Ace Durano’s WOW Philipppines, but to that part of the Philippine cultural divide also known as the poor, deprived,oppressed and exploited. What a mouthful! Have you caught your breath yet?

During the actual community visit, we, the staff and visitors, were divided into three groups. I joined the group that stayed in a sub-village (a purok) that is occupied by the risk-taking and hard-working migrants (mostly) from Negros thus their community is caled Pulong Visaya. The stay in the community consisted of two days and one night mingling with the residents at their homes and in their work.

On day one, we went to the vegetable farms where some of the residents work as farm help. Although at these times, not many were hired because picking season is almost over. The visitors were amazed at how long Philippine stringed-beans (sitaw) can be. We told them that the longer these are, the more expensive they become and less opportunity for the pickers themselves to eat it.

So we “toured” through the trellises and took pictures and exchanged about how the stringed beans are grown and how much the pickers earn from it, etc, etc. After looking at the vegetables, we went back to hut of the caretaker and continued our “educational discussion”, the huntahan (Storytelling).

Since everyone of us were women, the questions and stories gravitated towards THAT. I say THAT not because I am prude but because no one said S*X but everyone said “‘YUN” or THAT.

It started with a question on marrying age. One of the residents who were with us said she got married at 14. Not because she wanted to but because her father learned that one of her suitors is the son of a family who has their own land to till. So he forced her to marry the guy whom she didn’t like then because she has her eyes set on someone else. She went on to tell her life story including how her father hurt her when she resisted and how she tried to commit suicide by downing kerosene and how she was saved by her mother by letting her drink something so she would vomit the kerosene. Her storytelling was full of gestures and vocal intonation that we were swayed by all the feelings that she had then. We laughed when she did, became-teary eyed when she did and laughed again when she did. ( I had that incredible task of translating the story to our guests and we had to let the story finish before translating it to them fully).

The pre-marriage was only the first part. The more exciting and reflective part was the story of how she ran away from her groom/ husband on their first night together: the honeymoon.

“I didn’t know what happens on the first night. I was fourteen and we didn’t have TV of books. No one told me what I was about to experience!” She exclaimed. All our eyes were set on her, amused by her story.

“So when he went on top of me and started undressing me, I fought back. Then ran away towards our neighbors. I was crying and I was very mad. I firmly believed then that he was not supposed to be doing that to me! He was so rude, Ambastos nya!” We, her listeners, rolled with laughter when she narrated this.

We stopped laughing when she said, “My mother slapped me when she found out what happened. She said she’ll slap me if I ran away again. So there it is, my life story. Now, we already have two children and he’s away while I take care of the children and our small farm. Life is difficult but I guess I have grown to love him too.” She said smiling.

Transferring THAT knowledge to our children

After the sharing, one of the visitors asked her and the rest of the mothers who were with us if they are willing to teach their children about sex education at the right time. The visitors added that in the US, they freely talk about it with their children as part of their preparation.

The mother who shared her story said she will but not all details. She doesn’t want her daughter running to neighbors like her. Another mom said, she may not because her kids will find out when they’re ready anyway, but if asked about it, she’ll also explain.

A reflective silence followed. A few more mothers shared their own stories about single motherhood, early pregnancy, etc. Afterwards, everyone started thanking everyone else for sharing even their personal stories. And I thought, the conversation was so amazing. The only thing lacking was a cameraman and floor directors and we could have been participants to a round table discussion on S*@X Education in rural Philippines.

By the end of the visit, during the trip’s evaluation and reflection, the women who were in our group cited this conversation as something that they can not forget and was very grateful for. It was so simple yet deep. It was just like any other women-talk or kitchen chat where everyone learned from everyone else even if it seems like chismisan or small talk only.

That’s how I felt too and I was glad to be there to listen and share.